Undocumented laws of touring Australia

I received a mail yesterday which included a probable list of undocumented rules set by the International Cricket Council (ICC), indirectly mocking the entire cricketing scenario in Australia today.

I hereby present a blog which is purely inspirational from the mail. Thought it would be a nice read for all those who do visit my blog often. For all those cricketing nations looking forward to tour Australia for an exciting and challenging series, here is a set of undocumented rules one must follow to ensure that the 'Spirit of the Game' is maintained.

The recent India's tour to Australia is amidst a cloud of controversies, whether on or off the cricketing field. Here are some rules which need to be followed by a visting team to ensure no controversies rise while playing against the world champions, Australia:

1) The most respected cricketer of this era, Ricky Ponting, should never be questioned about his integrity. The truely genuine cricketer should be considered as the 'fifth umpire', whose decisions, as per the new rules, over rides any other decision taken by other umpires on and off the field. Umpires officiating on-field have the right to seek assistance from Ricky Ponting even if he is not amidst the thick of things.

2) When team Australia is batting, in case of a catch, the players will have to stand ground till the Umpire's decision is declared and are not allowed to walk before the same (even if the catch has been caught at the fifth slip). Each player has to be declared 'out' a minimum of four times till he is officially sent back to the pavilion. In case the cricketer in question holds higher integrity, the number of let offs can be increased in consultation with the 'fifth umpire'.

3) When team Australia is bowling, if the ball flies to any player within a distance of 5 metres the opponent batsman is considered OUT irrespective of whether the catch has been taken cleanly or grassed. In any case of doubts the decision can be clarified with the 'fifth umpire' to ensure that all teams play in the right 'spirit of the game'.

4) All Australian players have the right to carry a verbal onslaught on their opponents on and off the field. However, the opponent team is not allowed to make any comments which could prove to be a threat to the 'spirit of the game'. Comments passed by the opponents will be considered 'Racist' only. Opponent team players will face compulsary ban on the grounds of racism irrespective of whether there exists a substantial proof or not.

5) The match referee's decision will be taken purely based on the Australian players testimony, in case of any hearing. Players views from the opponent team stands null and void.

6) No team touring Australia should think about victory. This is to ensure that the visiting team supports the 'spirit of the game'.

7) The most important rule: If any player gets Ricky Ponting 'The most respected cricketer of all times' 'OUT' more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the rest of the series. This is to ensure that the best player and captain in the books of cricket goes on to break all the records and creates history in the game of cricket.

Teams who visit Australia have to keep in mind the above undocumented laws of playing against the world champs in their home ground. Any team violating these set rules will be penalized on the grounds of exerting excess pressure on the ICC. My heart goes out to all those visting teams and I can just pray that they have a nice time 'Down Under'.